When you've hurt someone and keep waiting for the right moment to fix it, a Norse trickster shows what repair takes and how quickly it can go wrong.
It was a joke, or it was supposed to be. You said something sharp at dinner, or forwarded the email you shouldn't have, or missed the thing you promised you'd be at. That was three weeks ago, or three years. Now whenever you think of that person your stomach tightens, and you tell yourself the moment has passed.
In Norse myth, Loki knew something about jokes that go too far. As a prank, he cut off the long hair of Sif, the wife of Thor, while she slept. Thor was not amused. He seized Loki and promised to break every bone in his body. Loki, who could talk his way out of almost anything, swore he would put it right.
He went to the dwarves known as the Sons of Ivaldi and had them make Sif new hair out of gold, so fine that it would grow on her head like her own. It wasn't an excuse or a promise to do better. It was the very thing he had taken, made good. Then Loki spoiled the moment. Full of himself again, he started boasting that no smith alive could match that work, and he staked his head on it. A dwarf named Brokkr took the bet, and his brother Eitri forged treasures that included Thor's great hammer. The gods judged Loki the loser. He wriggled out of losing his head by pointing out that the bargain didn't include his neck, so Brokkr sewed his lips shut instead.
Two lessons sit side by side in that story. The first is that repair has to be specific. "Sorry if you were upset" is a wig. "I said that in front of your kids, it was cruel, and I've told them so" starts to grow the hair back. The second is that the moment an apology becomes about how bad you feel or how hard it was to say, you have gone back to boasting.
Loki is nobody's role model, and he only fixed things with Thor's hands on him. You have an advantage he never had: no one is forcing you. It may not be received well, the other person owes you nothing, and some people we've hurt are better left in peace. For most of us, though, the moment hasn't passed. We just stopped walking toward it.
Your step: Name what you took
Set a timer for 15 minutes and think of the first person who comes to mind. Write two plain sentences: what you did and what you will do to make it right. Leave out "but," "if" and any mention of how bad you've felt. Read it aloud once, then send it or ask for a time to say it in person. If they don't answer, that is their right. Your part was going back.
Read the original myth: Loki and Sif's Golden Hair
Photo: Kris Tian / Unsplash License
